I used to have a crush on this Christian brother. He was the Evangelism Coordinator of the fellowship I belonged to. Uncle was so on fire for the Lord, performing live miracles and bringing many to the Lord. He was na fine on top! 😪
This was not ordinary o! The devil started playing with my mind; I was seeing visions of our pre-wedding pictures already! 😩
My belly wee be turningoniown whenever he was closeby. Then when he would lead prayer sessions, one special kind of Holy Spirit goose bumps wee be all over my body! 😰
He was the ideal man by my standards. I and this brother weren’t close but I started looking forward to our conversations. But trust me na, my kind of person is stone-cold. I no go show anything, I wee just wait for you to talk to me. Still, it didn’t stop me from admiring from afar.
I tried to wave off this feeling just like I had swept others under the carpet over the years, but this one was strong.
Mind you, this was happening at a point in my life when I had started taking my walk with God seriously; I was finally hearing from God for the first time in my life; I had started grasping purpose; God had started revealing some deep things to me; I was growing! My prayer life had boosted by 150% and the word of God was my favorite dish. Basically, it was my molding phase.
Then, bam! From nowhere, butterflies in the belly come!
Once when he led a prayer session and I was drunk in the Spirit, I heard something say to my ears “That’s your husband.” Ah! I was filled with so much happiness ehn. But something else within me, didn’t feel right with that pronouncement. I went ahead to embrace what I had heard, forgetting that the devil could speak too and he was walking in tune with my lust.
These feelings started disturbing my communication with God. I could literally see myself going backwards in my walk with God. It was like I was taking five steps back and one forward. I was sinking fast. It got so serious that I could no longer intercede or see the words in my Bible; all I could see was his face.
I got so mad with myself. For the first time in a long time, I was in sync with God and we’re planning how I’m going to be that great woman in future and one man from nowhere is obstructing my destiny? 😤
Note: Uncle didn’t even have any idea that I was eyeing him. Remember, stone-cold.
One day, I had had enough. After dinner, I remember lying on a sofa in the living room and struggling with these thoughts in my mind. That night, alone in the dark, I cried silently and bitterly unto God. I called upon the Holy Spirit to help me. I had conquered crush wahala from more finer and spiritual men but this was too strong for me. I was tired and I needed him to take it all away. In the midst of my tears, something sprung up within me. A very firm voice spoke in finality to my mind. He said “He’s not your husband.”
As simple as those words were, immediately something happened. It was like a huge fog that was sitting on my head just floated away. Lingering feelings of lust and wanting began to dissipate; I could almost see it slip away! It was like something had hold of me before but was now weakened. The tears of relief I cried that night flooded the sofa.
I had never been more grateful for the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Dear friends, the Bible says The Holy Spirit bears witness with your spirit that you’re a son of God. When God speaks, you’re supposed to feel peace within, not confusion. If you’re close friends with the Holy Spirit, he agrees with what God has said. That’s why when you ask some godly couples how they knew that God wanted them to be together, they wee just say “I just knew.” There’s an agreement with your spirit, not your flesh.
Not every man of God is meant to be your husband. In fact, spirituality isn’t the only thing to look out for in the choice of life partner. Uncle Prayer Secretary won’t kabash when he’s asking you to bring his dinner. Uncle Bible Study Coordinator won’t quote scriptures every time you annoy him.
Patiently wait for God to bring you His son who deserves you as an inheritance for his faithful service to God. Till then, employ sense and the help of the Holy Spirit to uproot stray feelings of lust for fine looking brothers in the Lord.
Hope I’m making sense?
© Nkereuwem Blessing Edidiong. ♥️
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