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A Reader Needs Help! Should Sex Be This Painful?

Dear Bunmi,
I first had sex when I was 18 years old. As a virgin then, I expected to feel pain, but not the excruciating one I felt. This scared me and I didn’t even think about sex after that until recently.


I’m 24 and have a very loving man who wants us to get married, yet, I still find sex a lot painful. This has given me a lot of sleepless nights. Do you think I’m doing something wrong?
Nana, by e-mail.
Dear Nana,
There is no reason to let this stop the relationship you currently have. Anyone would experience similar anxiety after all the pain and distress you went through. The solution is to get help. Coping with this alone would be like trying to come to terms with traumatic experiences you have no tools to handle.
Why don’t you have a word with your doctor who would assure you all your organs are in order? If they’re not, he’ll know what to do to put things right.
In the meantime, confide in your man, with his patience, and with prolonged fore-play, you could discover you have no problems at all.

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